It’s May and another school year is nearly gone. Last year at this time my oldest son was putting the final touches on his high school career. Now May is here again, and my second son is about to graduate as well. It seems like just yesterday when the boys were entering school. Now they are each making preparations to begin undergraduate programs at a Christian college. Where did those years go? My opportunities for directly influencing their growth in Christlikeness are quickly drawing to a close. Sure, I’ll still be able to share my thoughts and opinions with them, and I hope they will always value my counsel, but they are quickly moving into a new phase of life. They are nearly grown and my opportunities for influencing that process are rapidly diminishing.
These thoughts remind me of the gravity of embracing the opportunities we have while they are still available, because it will not always be so. I have learned a few lessons over the course of the past twenty years about raising children and encouraging them to walk with God. I do not believe there is a fool-proof plan or magical formula for doing so -- there is not. Nor am I claiming to have done everything right -- I haven’t. When we speak of raising children who will love and serve the LORD, we are speaking of a task that is clearly well beyond our own ability. We are in far over our own heads. But still the LORD has given us guidance and wisdom from His word to follow, and probably no passage of Scripture speaks more directly to our need than the passage in Deuteronomy called the Shema. The passage reads:
“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)
Our passage begins by telling us that if we are to persuade our children to love and serve the LORD, we must first love and serve Him ourselves. And this love cannot be an indifferent or uncommitted thing. We must love Him with all of our heart, all of our soul, and all of our might. These are not three separate compartments of our personalities; the three terms join together to signify that we must love the LORD with the totality of our being – we must possess an unreserved and undivided loyalty to Him. After all, is this not what we will be asking of our children? How then are we to accomplish this? We must begin by teaching our children with our words.
TEACHING A LOVE FOR THE LORD WITH OUR WORDS
The LORD commands us to “diligently teach His word” to our children. This particular verb expresses the activity of instructing by recounting and repeating lessons again and again. We must not tire of this. At times I have become frustrated with the necessity of repeating familiar truths to my own children time and again. It is wrong for me to be this way. The LORD does not so easily tire with me and my own need for this sort of instruction. We must be willing to grant our children the same grace the LORD grants to us. Sometimes we must simply realize that raising children is living by faith -- repeating the familiar truths time after time with an attitude of patience, trusting the LORD to effect the changes necessary.
The Scripture goes on to list four opportunities for recounting God’s lessons to our children. The first is “when thou sittest in thine house.” Our home life can get pretty busy, so opportunities for sitting together are few. But we have attempted to guard two venues. The first is our evening meal together. We share so much of our lives as family during the mealtime, and many opportunities for explaining how God’s word relates to our life situations arise. A simple web-search reveals dozens of articles highlighting the importance of having family meals together. In addition to our mealtimes, we also set aside one night a week just for us - our “family night.” For us, it is Friday night, and it is almost sacred; we jealously guard it lest it get swallowed up by scores of lesser interests.
A second opportunity for us to speak of the LORD’s commands is “when we walk by the way.” In the ancient world this meant while traveling from one place to another. Applying the timeless principle to our own culture, the admonition would mean we should rehearse God’s words when we are traveling to or from school, or it could mean we speak of His truths when walking together in the park or when we are riding together on the bicycle trail. It could even be expanded to include sharing God’s truths when we are traveling to or from church! When we talk about the application of the Scriptures with our children in the secular venues of life, the Word of God becomes a living thing, not just something for Sundays or Wednesday nights. They need this; they need to know God is real and that He is relevant for life.
The final two venues for instruction are the beginning and end of the day. We are to “diligently teach” the words of the LORD to our children “when we lie down and when we rise up.” These two periods of our day are especially significant times for ministering to the needs of our own hearts as well as those of our children. Having a devotional time with our children either in the morning or just before bedtime is a valuable tool for encouraging them toward Christlikeness. Focusing our children’s attention on the promises of the LORD and the riches of His grace can be both a soothing balm to quiet the heart for a restful night of sleep and a stimulating challenge for beginning the day with holy ambitions and Christ-centered goals. At night when the children are in bed, I regularly go to their rooms to tell them goodnight and talk with them about their day. This has often provided a natural opportunity for the children to ask questions privately and for me to give counsel from the Scriptures. Some of the most memorable times of my life have been spent at the bedsides of my children.
These four commandments from Moses are not exhaustive; they are only representative of the many opportunities each day affords us to recount to our children how God’s Word applies to our own lives. In fact these truths teach us that there is not any time when it is not appropriate to speak of the LORD’s Word and tell how it applies to our lives. But realize that speaking the words of God alone is not enough; we must also internalize His truths in our lives.
TEACHING A LOVE FOR THE LORD WITH OUR LIVES
The final two verses from Deuteronomy read “thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” (Deuteromy 6:8-9) From the time of the Babylonian captivity the Jews have misunderstood this passage and have interpreted it literally with the wearing of phylacteries and the posting of mezuzahs on the doorposts of their homes. Since similar phrases occur in Exodus 13:9 and 16 in a metaphorical sense, we conclude that the passage here should be understood in a spiritual sense as well. Solomon employs similar words in a figurative fashion when he tells his son to “bind God’s law around his neck” and “write it on the tablet of his heart” (Proverbs 3:3). What is meant by all of these figures is that we must internalize the truths of God’s Word. “Binding God’s Word on the hands” suggests its influence over the activities of life. Its description as “frontlets on the forehead” expresses the guiding influence of God’s Word in our minds. “Posting it on the doorposts of our homes and on the gates of our cities” suggests the primacy of God’s Word for our family and community lifestyles. Whether individually or corporately, we must live a life that is distinguished by obedience to the Word of the LORD as a response of our love to Him.
The message of the Shema is that LORD’s Word must be a real and a living thing in our lives. It must be personal, and it must be vital. If we should fail to internalize the Word of God, no one will see it more quickly or more clearly than our children. This is especially true when they are in their teen years. Our children do not demand that we be perfect, but they do need us to be genuine. It has been said, “A man who does not practice what he preaches destroys what he builds.” And how sad it is when what we destroy is the work that God is doing in the lives of our precious children. What we believe about the LORD is very important, but for our children, we only believe as deeply as we live. If we want them to love the LORD and to grow in Christlikeness, then we must love the LORD and be growing in our relationship with Him as well.
As Christian parents we must not surrender to lesser interests the responsibility and privilege of teaching our children. We must not grow weary in well-doing but must repeat the familiar truths of the LORD’s word, recounting them again and again to our children. Every venue that the LORD puts before us becomes an opportunity to teach our children to love the LORD and to obey His word. And this we must do, not only with our words, but also with our lives, being mindful of this inescapable fact-- the day will come when our opportunities to do this will come to an end and it will come very quickly. What kind of end do you wish it to be?
Pastor Ron Webber is the Professor of Biblical Languages and Old Testament at Heart of America Theological Seminary at Tri-City Ministries and teaches Bible at TCCS. He holds B.A. and M.A. degrees from Bob Jones University and is currently working on completing a PhD. from Trinity Theological Seminary. He teaches Bible and Greek in the High School at TCCS and has been in education since 1986. Ron and his wife, Terri, have four children: Jason, Joshua, Rachel, and Jonathan.